A Sexy Halloween on a Budget!

Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in college anymore...

It's a sad day when you graduate from college and are thrown into the adult world of paying for your own wifi, admiring cute placemats, and other less-than-fun bullshit. Just to top it off - you're in this weird relationship with Halloween.
I loved Halloween in college. I was literally an airplane every single year for 4 years. As a freshman I found an airplane costume in the toddler section of target and committed. I couldn't justify spending $30 on something I'd wear once... so I wore in every year thereafter. It was the perfect amount of "adult" because it showed a lot of skin as you're encouraged to do in college because your parents are finally not around to disapprove of you "leaving the house like that without a jacket or how about some pants?!" or "the rest of your shirt!?" But it also mixed in a little bit of silly fun, which is much more my speed. It was the perfect slutty-silly mix that made it a fucking legendary costume that will never be forgotten.

 But as I recently entered the real world, I am coming to realize that it's no longer acceptable for me to dress like this and go to a frat party. Instead, I'm going to be sitting in my studio apartment with nobody to dress up for except my boyfriend. At first I was excited - this meant that I could finally buy one of those really sexy costumes because I wouldn't be going anywhere other than to bed. But it did not take me too long into my google search to realize that this shit is expensive. I don't understand expensive lingerie - I've been buying my shit from the sale rack of forever 21 for years and a man has yet to give a flying fuck that it cost me $4. A man doesn't care if you are literally wearing a paper bag as a bra because, regardless of whether it was $4 or $400, they just want it off of your body.

But, as I have always been one of Halloween's biggest fans, I couldn't resist concocting a brilliant costume. My boyfriend keeps telling me how fun he thinks it will be for me to dress up (dress down...) and I can't help but agree. So I figured out a way to be sexy on a budget.

If you're like me and not going out for halloween this year but still want to dress up and give a man a good time, I'm about to blow your mind for under $12.

My boyfriend is a big fan of super heroes. I know literally negative amounts about super heroes. We are really compatible. However, I do know that some of his favorites are Ironman and Captain America. Ironman has this real weird, full-face mask that could really ruin an intimate moment so I went with Captain America. This costume could easily be altered to be literally anything with the purchase of different colored lingerie and a different face mask, though. Which is cool, because when I wear it again next year with a spiderman mask, I am confident that my boyfriend will not notice at all.

Step one: Head to the mall, walk into Victoria's Secret, walk out of Victoria's Secret because we're on a budget (are you fucking serious thinking we're going in there? Jesus Christ.) Go to Forever 21's sale section. Surprisingly, they have great, skanky lingerie. The best part about it is it's cheap as literal dirt so it doesn't matter if it's man handled or left on a stranger's floor. I got a black, lace, see-through (in a classy way, calm down) bra for $3.99 last time I was there that I will be wearing for my costume... "costume." Here's an example of what you can get there for $6.99.

Step Two: Get to a party city and check out their mask/glasses selection. I, for example, will be buying the cutest Captain America glasses that every existed for only $4.99. All of the child size masks are under $5 so if you're cheap as hell and have a tiny little head like me - you're golden. If your head is of the bigger variety, you might have to splurge for an adult mask or get into some DIY crap that I will not be involved with.

Step Three: Go into your underwear drawer and put on some red, white, blue, silver (literally any color because your boyfriend doesn't actually care as much as you do) panties and you're done!

It's as simple as that! And all for under $12! Yea, I do even amaze myself, thank you for asking!
So sign me up as fucking stoked for one thing about being an adult. Halloween won't be so bad after all.

XO,
Halloween Costume Legend and only 5 year old to ever ask their mom to custom-make a Crest Toothpaste costume for them